fishing is for the manly
by MaroonAngel of Darkness
Summary: It was a simple task, a really simple task; she never thought that it could be so difficult; especially for them. WARNING! there are no manly men in this fic!


**this was inspired by an Ep in Big Bang Theory, in the ep, an astronaut named Howard had to go on a fishing trip with his scary father-in-law and he had no idea how to fish, so he asks the manliest person he knows, his firend's neighbor/girlfriend Penny who grew up on the Nebraskan countryside. **

**and this chapter was originally put in L Comes Before P, Prompto, but since there were no pairings in this, i decided to post this up as a oneshot, especially since not everyone reads LCBPP  
**

**also, readers that follow me, i'll have some info at the bottom about my current stories and future ones. **

**WARNING! there are no manly men in this fic; also, there is blood so it may not be for the feint of heart. **

* * *

**Savage: brute, cruel, ferocious, untamed**

Lightning arced a brow at the four men before her, skeptical and disbelieving. Three stood confident and sure, one was grim with reality. It was unfortunate that it was only one that already knew the fate of a disastrous outcome. Breathing in deeply, she repeated the information she was given slowly, making she that she got it right.

"Let me get this straight, _you _want to go on a fishing trip with Fang?" she asked, peering up at beaming man that had a large scar going down the right side of his face.

"Yep!" he chirped excitedly.

She looked past him to the two other confident boys at his side. "And you two?" she asked.

"I've never been fishing before," the dark haired prince admitted with a shrug, "and I hear its pretty relaxing, so it might be a nice break from being in the castle."

"Pretty much the same for me," the smirking blonde at his side put in, his lilac eyes gleaming. "Besides, didn't men use to bring food back home from hunts? Fishing sounds like the easiest one."

"Fang's fishing isn't-"

"Just show us the basics," Gladious insisted, waving his hand at her carelessly.

"This will end badly," Ignis sighed, his glasses flashing in the light.

"You don't have to join us Ignis," Noctis offered, sending his friend an exaggerated look. Ignis shrugged at that, turning to Lightning, "If you don't mind, I might skip this lesson."

"Hold it, I didn't exactly agree-"

"Awesome! Light's going to show us how to fish!" Prompto declared.

"I never-"

"So what do we do first?" Gladious asked her, leaning down and staring at her intently, along with Noctis and Prompto. Ignis rolled his eyes at them again and waved goodbye at them, bidding them all luck. Rolling her own eyes, Lightning stepped back, letting the boys in. "I'll show you the basics," she declared, "if you can handle them, I guess you'll be fine... maybe."

"So what is the first step?" Noctis asked, his eyes wide and excited like a child on Christmas. This really was his first trip, along with all his friends. They've all heard that it was fairly relaxing, and his lesser cousins that he visited always showed off their best catches. It wouldn't hurt if he had his own prize to show.

Pity Lightning didn't share the enthusiasm.

"First, shopping."

* * *

Lightning had them all gathered around her kitchen counter, a sheet placed on top to keep it clean. Beside her, perched loyally on a chair and ready for her lesson where all the items that she would need to show them the basics. On the other side, all on their own side of the table, were the three eager men that seemed to suddenly need to know the sacred art of fishing; more specifically Fang's fishing.

She just hoped it would be enough to prepare them.

"Now," Lightning declared, picking up an ivory container, opening it, she let the contents drop with a loud _splat _on the counter, letting all three boys see a pile of dirt, compost, and squirming, gleaming, oozing, slimly worms at the center of her counter.

The reaction was the least she expected from them.

The boys all frowned at the pile, looks of disgust morphing their faces as they stared at the mass of slime and mud. "Are these... really necessary?" Noctis asked her, looking down at the offending pile.

"Yeah..." Gladious backed up, "don't they have fake-"

"No fakes," Lightning said sternly, her eyes narrowing down at them. "You want fish, you use real bait."

"They're still alive though..." Prompto murmured, sounding a little horrified.

"Its the circle of life," Lightning sighed, already tempted to pinch the bridge of her nose. "There have to be _some _sacrifices."

At the three horrified looks she was getting, she quickly assured, "But some worms do make it." Though only only the second or third cast though. After that, they're never seen again, eaten and stolen away by a sly fish.

Not that they needed to know that.

And by the three assured looks, Lightning was satisfied with that, though they still shot disgusted looks at the squirming, glistening pile.

"Now," she said, catching all three's attention. "Pick up a worm." Best to get them past this after all.

Their expressions were worse than before.

They all paled, their draws dropping as they stared at her in disbelief.

"Y-you..."

"...want us..."

"...to pick _that _up?!" Noctis finished, looking like he had been visibly scarred.

_Spoiled rish brats_, Lightning thought darkly as she glared at the three wusses. "Yes. Yes I do," she told them firmly. "Surely you guys have held a worm before, haven't you?"

"I got muddy," Prompto offered.

"I wasn't allowed to get dirty," Noctis told her.

"I was being trained," and Gladious finished.

"Etro have mercy," Lightning muttered. Reaching out, she grasped a slimy, oozing worm, holding up the squirming organism before the boys, who all flinched away at the sight. "You want to go fishing?" Lightning snarled, "How can you when you can't hold a simple worm?"

"How about fake-"

"No fakes!"

"Do have too-"

"Just hold the _fucking _worm," Lightning growled, shoving the slimy creature in Noctis's face. The prince squeaked, his hands catching it as Lightning purposely dropped it. _"Ewww," _Noctis wailed, grimacing as it smeared slime and dirt all over his hand, Gladious and Prompto leaning away, looking horrofied and disgusted.

Quickly, the prince dropped the worm back in the pile, rushing around the counter to wash his hands.

Lightning ignored him, staring hard at the other two.

"Now, its your turn."

The two remaining boys have never looked so scared in their life.

* * *

After a dragging forty five minutes, Lightning was successful in getting all three to tolerate holding a warm, at least, for two minutes. Hopefully, that's all the time they'll need.

Etro knows Fang won't be as merciful or as patient.

"We all have our worms?" Lightning asked, and warily, all three nodded, grimacing down at the curling animal in their palm.

"Now, I want you all to put it on a hook."

They all looked up at her with clueless stares, blinking slightly at her. Prompto was the first to move, grabbing one of the hooks Lightning laid out for them and easily putting the worm on it, grinning proudly as it stayed, squirming and curling in midair.

Noctis frowned, quietly voicing, "I don't think its supposed to be like that..."

"He's right," Lightning said, making the prince beam slightly at the praise.

"Then what are you supposed to do?" Gladious asked.

"The pointed tip of the hook, you sick it straight through the worm."

She got an even worse reaction to holding worms. They actually looked faint.

"White its still alive?!" Prompto half exclaimed, half squeaked.

Seemingly oblivious to their horror, Lightning smiled proudly at Prompto. "Yes, nothing's better than live bait after all."

Now all three were a little green.

Ignoring their discomfort, she waved to the hooks. "Come on you three, lets make it quick and get it over with. Gut them through."

* * *

The worms were a disaster, but they got through it. Everyone was able to hook their worm, though it took each about ten to fifteen minutes to get the will to push the slimy creature on the intimidating tip.

Now that they were through with that, it was time for the second part of Fang's fishing; the fish themselves.

"If by some miracle," Lightning lectured, holding up a dead, fresh fish; much to the relief of the boys. How they can managed to kill other people but can't stand animals getting hurt, Lightning will never know. "You actually catch a fish, Fang will expect you to help prepare it if you are going to cook out there. And no, you can't bring cooks. This will be a good survival skill for you three to know if you're ever stuck out in the wilderness."

"So its time to learn how to cook," Prompto declared, coloring with his curious excitement.

"Don't you just stick a stick in its mouth an let it cook on an open fire?" Gladious asked.

"There are some things you don't want to eat in the fish though. If anything, you want the meat on its sides. So, what you do is you take your knife and cut it up along its stomach to the throat, and don't press to deeply other guts will fly all over your face."

With her eyes glued to the fish she was gutting, she missed seeing all of them lean away, swaying slightly on unsteady feet at her words. Guts?! All over their faces?! Lightning even added to it because of her oblivion. "What's even nicer is that since this fish is fresh, there's still a lot of blood to work through, so this will be good practice."

"D-does any-anyone do this while the-the fish is a-alive?" Noctis found himself asking, feeling sick as he watched Lightning easily move that knife along its body, hardly bothered by all the blood coating her hands and dripping down from it.

"If they're pissed off enough, yes, they do," Lightning answered, setting her knife down and turning the bloodied and gored fish to them all. "See this? This is a perfect cut, even allows you to see the insides. That's what you want."

The boys all moaned at that, staring at the slaughter fished and the messy, bloody cut on its belly. They all jumped when Lightning put that fish in Gladious's hands; the tall, scarred man staring down at the fish in pure terror.

"Now Gladious," Lightning voiced, distantly dragging all three of them back to earth, "I want you to stick your fingers inside and pull out its guts."

"Wha?!" was all the man seemed to be able to utter; Noctis and Prompto mirrored his looks.

"Put your fingers inside the fish and pull out the guts," Lightning repeated slowly, giving them all an exaggerated and stern look. "What you will be eating is the meat on the sides, not the guts, the lungs, heart, ect. So when you cook the fish, you might as well get rid of the guts beforehand. Now, pull them out Gladious."

Gulping, Gladious moved slowly, grimacing as cold, red blood slowly curled down his hand and over the slimy, cold scales of the fish. Its empty round eyes seemed to stare at, baiting him to move.

"Don't do it," Prompto whispered, seemingly getting the message those empty eyes were telling him. Lightning across from them glared darkly, daring them to not move at all. Slowly, Gladious moved, deciding that the fury of Lightning was worse than the fury of a dead fish and whatever curse it would set upon him. Like she instructed, he slid his fingers between the folds, grimacing and revolting as he get slick, tube like guts between his fingers. Grasping them, he slowly pulled it out, a stream of guts along with the heart, lungs, and a black round object.

Gladious didn't even know if there was a word to describe the look on his face as the stared at the organs in his hand; he was sure it was the same for Noctis and Prompto.

Lightning was the exact opposite. Beaming brightly at them, she said, "Very good! And look! Its a female! You can see all the eggs-"

She probably should have stopped at "very good". Gladious ungracefully dropped the fish and ran off to her bathroom, followed by retching, Prompto collapsed at the counter side, clinging to it as a life rope, and Noctis lurched forward, all of them green and pale, moaning to themselves.

Lightning arced a brow at them. Baffled, she asked, "Seriously? You kill people all the time. You can't handle this?"

"We never had to look inside," Noctis moaned.

Lightning sighed, "You guys should get used to it then, this is pretty much what Fang does, actually, this isn't even close to what she does, she's a lot more sadistic with fish and whatever else she hunts; I'm not to sure if you guys can handle... Noctis?"

The prince merely groaned, his face flat against her couch as he trembled. A sudden bump on the ground made her jump and she leaned over to see Prompto passed out on the floor, looking quite dead.

Lightning shook her head at them, before casting a look at the three, untouched fish she had for them to practice on.

At least she had enough for dinner by the looks of it. Grabbing the fish Gladious dropped, Lightning turned away to clean it, ignoring the moans that filled her house; instead focusing and debating with herself if she should fry or bake them. It has been a while since she had a fish after all.

* * *

**this was fun to write and i hope it was fun to read X)**

**now readers:**

**for LCBPP and The Lightning Strike, those won't be as focused on till i get 26 Moments of Zack and Lightning done (thankfully, i am almost done), and i even prefer to wrap up LCBPP too then i'll focus all my attention on TLS**

**once that's done, i'll be focusing on a new story and idea, i have about 5 ideas and only one is Lightning and Prompto, the rest are Lightis. summaries of them are posted up on my page so if you guys have a preference on which i should focus on first, let me know, otherwise, i'll surprise you guys and pick one up at random. **

**till then, here's the basic idea of these five future stories, be aware that all of them, i barely have a basic idea on where to take them XD and there is a high chance that they will be longs fics too. **

**falsum in uno, falsum in omnibus: Noctis goes on a hunt to find Valhalla, home of the ruthless l'Cie that killed his love Stella.  
**

**Bellum Letale: Noctis discovers a very dark secret from Lightning Strife, and a very dark world.  
**

**Etro's Angel: Lightning thought she and her family were done with the fal'Cie, only she awakens in a dark future, finding herself to be a guardian of a crystal of Etro, working alongside a dark prince and struggling with the time she's in and the chance that she might be as alone as she thought.  
**

**Noctis: i don't know if this will be the official title, but its what i'm calling it for the moment. After a great war, humans were the winners and came on top, and the savage, barbaric Mithra were imprisoned and taken care of. recently, one Mithra escapes, the most important Mithra of them all, the rare, male Mithra that Lightning unintentionally stumbles upon.  
**

**Veni Vidi Vici: this is the Prompto and Lightning fic, Prompto is a PSICOM soldier that has to work under Lightning by Rosch's orders.  
**

**so, if there's one that catches your eye let me know and that'll be the first story i'll post up after The Lightning Strike is done. **

**till then, thanks for reading everyone! ^^**


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